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PostPosted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 2:46 am 
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Human Bean Juice
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Location: Stalking a Watchman...
WASHINGTON STATE COURTESY CLERK IN HEAD-ON COLLISION BETWEEN SHOPPING CARTS AND POLE

"Seriously, that pole just came outta freaking nowhere," said the 20 year old woman. "Damn my lack of depth perception. Damn it all to hell." Only minor bruising to ribcage reported.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 3:28 am 
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Genetically-Altered Lynx
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Location: San Fran
CALIFORNIA MAN FALLS ASLEEP AT KEYBOARD, PAKISTAN DENIES INVOLVEMENT

Continued on page A1.

Also: Velvet—Are You @$%!?ing Serious? (Life & Style)

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 3:34 am 
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...look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!
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Location: Stockholm
MAN WAKES UP
TO FIND THAT
DOG DIDN'T
PEE ON
FLOOR!

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 10:09 am 
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Nothing ever ends.
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Location: She is all States, and all Princes, I, nothing else is.
YOUNG PENNSYLVANIAN COLLEGE STUDENT PANICS OVER AMOUNT OF STUDYING NECESSARY FOR FINALS

The 19-year-old male had this to say: "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 10:36 am 
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Minuteman
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Location: Sacramento
Man works 24 hours a weekend, every weekend

23 year old says he's "tired"


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 11:38 am 
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Dog Carcass in Alley
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Location: Toronto, Ont, Canada
AREA MAN WONDERS WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE DATING KELLY BROOK: "It'd be sweet!", says man.


TORONTO -

Local Toronto resident t3cii has a dream. To one day wake up in bed next to British model/actress Kelly Brook. The man, who spends his days fantasizing about Brook, says "Oh man, it'd be sweet waking up next to her!. Can you imagine?. Those eyes, that accent....I'm masturbating just thinking about it".

(Related story, page 12)

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"Heard them Walthers like to jump some" "As will you, with one in your elbow."


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 12:26 pm 
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Joined: Wed Oct 15, 2008 2:39 pm
Posts: 76
Man refused to wake in morning.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 1:02 pm 
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Thermodynamic Miracle
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Location: Bilzen, Belgium
MAN FELL INTO CHRISTMAS TREE, OVER 15 DEAD

Man had this to say: "Well, I guess the new decorations are gonna come from my wallet."

meh :/

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"Why should I save a world I no longer have any steak in?"

"Do it for meat."


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 2:55 pm 
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Gazing into the abyss.
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Location: Rorschach's Sugar Cube Pocket
Girl Dies Suddenly During Finals Week

25-year-old female student dies suddenly during a math exam at local college. "She said that she wasn't feeling well after weeks of study," said classmate. "Then there she was, vomiting on the test then just fell over. It's insane the things we had to learn for this test. She's lucky to avoid it." Funeral planned for next week. Corpse will be exhumed in March for Watchmen premiere. Bring candy!

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 3:47 pm 
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Human Bean Juice
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Posts: 1970
Location: Stalking a Watchman...
WOMAN TORN BETWEEN COMIC BOOK LOVERS

A scandal has been reported between WCM.com nutcase Lady_Rorschach and her love for both Walter "Rorschach" Kovacs and Eddie "the Comedian" Blake. Neither man could be reached for comment, though there is rumors of an impending catfight between LR and Sally Jupiter over Blake. Meow!

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 4:49 pm 
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…a puppet who can see the strings.
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Location: A stronger world
Liverpool Win the Premiership
Fifa 09 Gamer Just Wishes it Would Happen in Real Life

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Dr. Brooklyn wrote:
it was tying it into the rape-revenge stories and making light of a verys erious sub-genre that kind of offended me.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 5:19 pm 
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Tired of Earth.
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Location: 1060 W. Addison St.
ALAN MOORE EATS HIS OWN WORDS

"Well, I wrote down "The Watchmen movie will suck", and then swallowed the piece of paper.

Continued on A3.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 10:26 pm 
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Genetically-Altered Lynx
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COLLEGE FRESHMAN BREAKS STUDYING RECORD: Every waking hour for six days!
"I'll probably flunk out anyway" he says.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 10:30 pm 
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Genetically-Altered Lynx
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Location: San Fran
MAN SLEEPS IN, CHECKS MAIL FOR HIS NETFLIX, FINDS BANK STATEMENT INSTEAD

"I'm about to cancel that shit," the man said through his lawyer. "I want my Blade Runner, and I want it now!"

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Last edited by EmPiiRe x on Tue Dec 09, 2008 1:12 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 11:06 pm 
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Human Bean Juice
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Location: Stalking a Watchman...
RESULTS OF CATFIGHT IN!! (Sports)

The catfight between screwball Lady_Rorschach and original Silk Spectre, Sally Jupiter are in! Ms. Jupiter has beaten the crap out of the 'wife' of Walter "Rorschach" Kovacs, thus gaining Eddie Blake's affection. Lady_Rorschach commented: "Meh."

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 1:37 pm 
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I DID IT!
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Location: Home of the Earp, Arizona
"MAN CONSTIPATED!"

Victim asks "Will the train ever leave the station?"

;)


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 9:03 pm 
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...you're locked in here with me!
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Location: Arkham, Mass.
WCM'S RIGHT WING CONSPIRATOR SICK- RUSHED FROM ECON.

(AP) The Beloved Dr. Brooklyn had to leave 1sy hour econ today when he felt ill. He proceeded to his house where he watched cartoons and worked on his fan fic for most of the morning. More details of this anti-hero's recovery in the next few days.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 9:09 pm 
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…a puppet who can see the strings.
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Location: A stronger world
Honey Bunnies and Pumpkins
Wannabe Film Student Watches First Scene of Pulp Fiction Over and Over Again to Write Analysis for Uni Interview

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Dr. Brooklyn wrote:
it was tying it into the rape-revenge stories and making light of a verys erious sub-genre that kind of offended me.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 9:13 pm 
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Genetically-Altered Lynx
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LOCAL YOUNG MAN FRUSTRATED WITH INTERNET SERVICE
"Fuck you, Cablemas!" he says.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 9:17 pm 
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...I am Pagliacci.
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Location: North Carolina
COLLEGE STUDENT WRITES ANALYSIS OF WATCHMEN

"I sort of drew extensively from the Wikipedia article, since it was very well-sourced and I had one day to write it," admits the student. "I would have finished sooner, but I couldn't stop watching the new footage over and over." The student will finish writing the paper in the morning right before class. "I'm responsible," he says with a smirk.

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