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PostPosted: Thu Mar 05, 2009 1:57 am 
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LOCAL STUDENT DEALING WITH LAZINESS AND LACK OF MOTIVATION TO COMPLETE WORK...AND SLEEP.

I'm reeeeeeeeeeally fucking tired, says the student.

Simple Words. Straight to the point.

*facedesk*

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 4:18 pm 
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KID DIES FROM HAPPINESS

When the boy's mother was asked, all she could reply is:

"He saw the Watchmen movie."


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 4:30 pm 
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LOCAL COLLEGE STUDENT DIES OF CAFFEINE OVERDOSE

"He had four hours of sleep last night," said a close friend. "Who could blame him?"

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 4:49 pm 
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Local man (see photo) only person to not see Watchmen on opening weekend in entire world: "What a freak" says community.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 7:04 pm 
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WJK wrote:
KID DIES FROM HAPPINESS

When the boy's mother was asked, all she could reply is:

"He saw the Watchmen movie."


ANOTHER DIES FROM HAPPINESS

Asks the Daily Mail, online suicide cult?

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it was tying it into the rape-revenge stories and making light of a verys erious sub-genre that kind of offended me.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 7:38 pm 
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LOCAL RESIDENT COMMITS GRUESOME SUICIDE

A northern Virginia man committed suicide Friday morning. He reportedly lept through a glass window on the 30th story of a tall building in downtown Washington D.C., plummeting hundreds of feet to the ground, where he died immediately on impact. The resident is reported to have viewed the "Watchmen" film moments before killing himself. In his suicide note, found pinned to a bloodstained smiley face pin on his chest, the resident claimed to "have lived through everything [he] needed to" and that, having watched the film, he could "die a happy man." No word yet on how the resident is continuing to post on WatchmenComicMovie.com, an online "Watchmen" fansite, despite having died earlier today. Rumor has it the website's eccentric membership revived the man through voodoo magic; authorities are investigating.

EDIT: We change this story to add breaking news that the resident may not have committed suicide, but may in fact have been murdered. When asked, a moderator of WatchmenComicMovie.com called "Curiosity Inc." reportedly said "BDS had many enemies, even discounting the WCM.com membership. Maybe it was a political killing? The man was practically a Nazi." However, another poster using the handle "AYBGerrardo" was quoted as saying "Maybe someone's picking off WCM.com members," and acted annoyed upon being called "paranoid" for his beliefs. Soon afterwards Gerrardo and Curiosity were found dead as well, the latter from a caffeine overdose. Authorities are investigating the rash of deaths. Two suspects, users called "Kingmob" and "EmPiire x," were taken into custody. Kingmob reportedly had difficulties with some forum members, while EmPiire was quoted as saying "BDS sucked lol" and then made an obscene gesture with his middle finger. Both suspects are being taken in for questioning.

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 07, 2009 6:53 pm 
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KID PAINTS HIMSELF BLUE AND RUNS DOWN STREET NAKED

It was assumed that he was influenced by Dr. Manhattan's character, after seeing the Watchmen movie.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 2:31 pm 
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WCM SUB-COMMUNITY FANGIRLS DEMAND WATCHMEN PLUSHIES

Three members of a small, annoying community of Rorschach fangirls known as the Whoreschach Harem have caused havoc at the Warner Bros Merchindiasers' today. The members were Fanhette, DogWithHeadSplitOpen and Lady_Rorschach. The three were dressed as characters from the GN and film, Nite Owl II, Mothman and Rorschach, repectivley. Among the injuries reported to staff members, the vast majority were broken fingers. Dog was placed in a mental institution, kicking and biting the whitecoats. Fanhette escaped aboard a strange aircraft dubbed "Archie. Lady_Rorschach was unmasked, screaming to be given back her "face" as she was taken away by police. When asked about the motive, all three women responded the same: "We want Watchmen plushies, dammit!"

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 2:53 pm 
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BlackDoomShadow wrote:
LOCAL RESIDENT COMMITS GRUESOME SUICIDE

A northern Virginia man committed suicide Friday morning. He reportedly lept through a glass window on the 30th story of a tall building in downtown Washington D.C., plummeting hundreds of feet to the ground, where he died immediately on impact. The resident is reported to have viewed the "Watchmen" film moments before killing himself. In his suicide note, found pinned to a bloodstained smiley face pin on his chest, the resident claimed to "have lived through everything [he] needed to" and that, having watched the film, he could "die a happy man." No word yet on how the resident is continuing to post on WatchmenComicMovie.com, an online "Watchmen" fansite, despite having died earlier today. Rumor has it the website's eccentric membership revived the man through voodoo magic; authorities are investigating.

EDIT: We change this story to add breaking news that the resident may not have committed suicide, but may in fact have been murdered. When asked, a moderator of WatchmenComicMovie.com called "Curiosity Inc." reportedly said "BDS had many enemies, even discounting the WCM.com membership. Maybe it was a political killing? The man was practically a Nazi." However, another poster using the handle "AYBGerrardo" was quoted as saying "Maybe someone's picking off WCM.com members," and acted annoyed upon being called "paranoid" for his beliefs. Soon afterwards Gerrardo and Curiosity were found dead as well, the latter from a caffeine overdose. Authorities are investigating the rash of deaths. Two suspects, users called "Kingmob" and "EmPiire x," were taken into custody. Kingmob reportedly had difficulties with some forum members, while EmPiire was quoted as saying "BDS sucked lol" and then made an obscene gesture with his middle finger. Both suspects are being taken in for questioning.


:lol:

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 4:19 pm 
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CONNECTICUT THEATER INTERN RESCUES STUFFED ANIMAL FROM ONCOMING TRAFFIC

The 22 year old Connecticut resident was driving home from a friend's house at midnight when she swerved out of the way of a small plush dog sitting in the middle of the road. After pulling over, she ran into the middle of the road to retrieve the small brown and cream colored pup who smelled faintly of cigarette smoke.

"I knew it was going to rain later that night, so I did what anyone would do," she said when reached for comment. "He was quite shaken up at the time, but I think he'll be okay. I named him Walter."

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 4:55 pm 
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LOCAL RESIDENT SEES SPIDER IN BEDROOM; PERPETRATOR ESCAPES

A local man reported seeing a small spider, roughly thumbnail-sized, in his bedroom this evening while browsing the WatchmenComicMovie.com forums. The spider was spotted by the resident as he glanced past his computer monitor, seeing the arachnid on the wall behind the computer. The resident, who claims to be "deathly arachnophobic," paused with shock for a moment before rushing from the room and grabbing a large handful of toliet paper. When he returned to the room, the victim reported that the perpetrator was no longer on the wall. "No, no, no, stupid, stupid, STUPID!" the resident reportedly growled in a panic as he scoured the bedroom for the criminal. When asked, the victim said "I hate spiders, and my bedroom is supposed to be the last line of defense. What if they crawl in my mouth while I sleep? Or crawl in my sheets? What if it bites my [expletive]?" The suspect is still on the loose. Anyone with information is asked to please call authorities immediately.


EDIT:

LOCAL MAN KILLS SPIDER

After a harrowing confrontation with a small spider earlier today, authorities said Monday that a local resident successfully killed a criminal arachnid that entered his residence. After seeing the spider on his floor, the resident acted quickly. "I went straight to Youtube," the man explained, "and started playing Nat King Cole's 'Unforgettable'." At this point, the resident and suspect engaged in a lengthy fight. The residence's floors, coffee table, couch, and television all suffered heavy damages during the brutal battle. Knives and other makeshift weapons were spotted discarded on the floor. The glass sliding door leading to the resident's balcony was shattered completely, with the spider's corpse laying in the street dozens of feet below, presumably having been thrown through the window. "We're just glad it wasn't a wolf spider," the officer in charge of investigations told the press, referring to the northern Virginia area's largest spider, which can grow to two and a half inches in size and is known for fast movements and biting when cornered. The spider's family could not be reached for comment.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:51 pm 
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BlackDoomShadow wrote:
LOCAL RESIDENT SEES SPIDER IN BEDROOM; PERPETRATOR ESCAPES

A local man reported seeing a small spider, roughly thumbnail-sized, in his bedroom this evening while browsing the WatchmenComicMovie.com forums. The spider was spotted by the resident as he glanced past his computer monitor, seeing the arachnid on the wall behind the computer. The resident, who claims to be "deathly arachnophobic," paused with shock for a moment before rushing from the room and grabbing a large handful of toliet paper. When he returned to the room, the victim reported that the perpetrator was no longer on the wall. "No, no, no, stupid, stupid, STUPID!" the resident reportedly growled in a panic as he scoured the bedroom for the criminal. When asked, the victim said "I hate spiders, and my bedroom is supposed to be the last line of defense. What if they crawl in my mouth while I sleep? Or crawl in my sheets? What if it bites my [expletive]?" The suspect is still on the loose. Anyone with information is asked to please call authorities immediately.


EDIT:

LOCAL MAN KILLS SPIDER

After a harrowing confrontation with a small spider earlier today, authorities said Monday that a local resident successfully killed a criminal arachnid that entered his residence. After seeing the spider on his floor, the resident acted quickly. "I went straight to Youtube," the man explained, "and started playing Nat King Cole's 'Unforgettable'." At this point, the resident and suspect engaged in a lengthy fight. The residence's floors, coffee table, couch, and television all suffered heavy damages during the brutal battle. Knives and other makeshift weapons were spotted discarded on the floor. The glass sliding door leading to the resident's balcony was shattered completely, with the spider's corpse laying in the street dozens of feet below, presumably having been thrown through the window. "We're just glad it wasn't a wolf spider," the officer in charge of investigations told the press, referring to the northern Virginia area's largest spider, which can grow to two and a half inches in size and is known for fast movements and biting when cornered. The spider's family could not be reached for comment.


LOCAL SPIDER-KILLER AWARDED A COOKIE FOR BRAVERY

A most horrid event occurred earlier this afternoon, when an unsuspecting victim, a Mr. BlackDoomShadow, was attacked by a ferocious, bastard spider in his bedroom. BDS, being arachnophobic, immediately sought to pursue the brave task of taking on the spider. All hope seemed lost when the spider appeared to have escaped, but vengeance struck quickly. The eight-legged son of a bitch died when BDS had no other choice, after a rampaging battle to the death, to defenestrate the spider. For his heroics, BlackDoomShadow has been award an honorary cookie, and forever remembered as a hero.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 8:43 pm 
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NORTHERN VIRGINIA WOMAN CELEBRATES PURCHASE OF NEW LCD TV.

In a statement by her husband, "She had it coming."



Squeee! I Love my new TV!

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 10:28 pm 
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COURTESY CLERK CROWNED 'SNOW BUNNY'

WCM fourm member and resident nut-job Lady_Rorschach was forced to walk three blocks to the Safeway in which she worked. Within the 15 minutes it took her to walk to work, her clothing had turned from black to white. A female checker, name omitted, commented "Oooh...my poor little snow bunny." A fellow courtesty clerk, a 'frienenemy' of L_R also replied "I want to hug the Rorschach snow bunny." Lady_Rorschach, shivering, snarled "YOU TOUCH ME, I BREAK YOUR NECK!" Before uttering an annoyed "Hurm" and walking upstairs to defrost.

In other news...

LOCAL WOMAN CAUGHT DANCING TO "I'M YOUR BOOGEYMAN"

The 10-year-old brother of Lady_Rorschach is in good condition after catching his sister dancing to KC & the Sunshine Band's hit I'm Your Boogeyman. The boy merely responded "Holy...crap!" before running out of the room saying "Mommy, Sister's being crazy again!"

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Last edited by Lady_Rorschach on Mon Mar 09, 2009 10:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 10:43 pm 
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Lady_Rorschach wrote:
MCM fourm member and resident nut-job Lady_Rorschach


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Lady_Rorschach file photo

Local WCM forum member makes fatal error: "'MCM'? What the hell is that?" asks fellow forum member.

:)

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 11:33 pm 
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BREAKING NEWS: ARACHNID COMMUNITY IN UPROAR OVER "HATE CRIME"

Arachnid leaders were outraged Tuesday morning after an incident Monday evening that left one spider dead and his human killer uncharged. The suspect, a five day old spider, species unknown, broke into the home of a white male human known for using the WatchmenComicMovie.com forums. The human, who claimed to be deathly arachnophobic, was initially unsucessful in catching the spider before managing to brutally murder it and throw it out his window. The spider was declared dead on the scene, but the man was not charged. "We are outraged," said clearly outaged Church of Arachnotology minister Tee Rantula, sounding outraged. "Arachnophobia is just a fancy word for racism, and it will not be tolerated in the twenty-first century." Other spiders and even insects in the region fear similar killings. "It was a hate crime, nothing less," Rantula raved, roaring. "What do you suggest we do about it?" asked one member of the congregation. Rantula's response was clear: "Retribution." Authorities are investigating the resident's claims of self-defense, citing the spider's small size as posing little risk to his well-being. This story will be updated as the investigation continues.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 11:36 pm 
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t3cii wrote:
Lady_Rorschach wrote:
MCM fourm member and resident nut-job Lady_Rorschach


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Lady_Rorschach file photo

Local WCM forum member makes fatal error: "'MCM'? What the hell is that?" asks fellow forum member.

:)


FORUM MEMBER ISSUE STATEMENT!

"SHIT! My hands were numb when I typed that!"

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 6:23 pm 
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MAN FORWARDS PORTS; TORRENTS FASTER

After several months of attempts, an area man has sucessfully forwarded his ports on his router, allowing his torrent program of choice, uTorrent, to download quicker. "It's a breakthrough," the man said, while attempting to disguise the item he was torrenting. "I rarely torrent anything, but when I do, it sucks having a slow connection." Torrent programs like uTorrent prefer the user to have forwarded ports in order to allow the user to connect to other downloaders easily. "It's great seeing that little green circle with the exclamation mark that says my connection is working." According to the man, he looked up an online tutorial specific to his router, which was developed by Verizon for its FiOS high-speed Internet service, and was able to navigate the router's controversially complex menu tree to open the required ports. While the man refused to say what it was that he was torrenting, a quick glance seemed to reveal the word "Watchmen." When asked, the man looked around nervously before saying "Hey, I saw the movie three times and I'll gratefully see it again with anyone who wants to go. I just want it for screencapping uses, if that is what I'm downloading, hypothetically of course."

NO ARREST MADE IN SPIDER SLAYING

Despite heavy pressure from arachnid groups, authorities have refused to make an arrest in the controversial self-defense murder of a spider that broke into the home of a northern Virginia man Monday afternoon. The man claimed to be afraid of the spider and brutally killed it, but spider advocacy groups have stated the murder was not an act of self-defense, but a hate crime. An official speaking anonymously said "there's just no proof that the victim acted irresponsibly. The fact of the matter is the spider was in his home and he felt threatened. He took an appropriate course of action."

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 6:31 pm 
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Seriously?! You'd never forwarded any ports before? I don't know how you could have made it that long! It's important for various internet functions...

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it was tying it into the rape-revenge stories and making light of a verys erious sub-genre that kind of offended me.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 7:03 pm 
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AYBGerrardo wrote:
Seriously?! You'd never forwarded any ports before? I don't know how you could have made it that long! It's important for various internet functions...


No, I got a new router when Verizon came through a couple months ago. Before that my ports were always forwarded.

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