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PostPosted: Thu Mar 12, 2009 2:26 pm 
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LOCAL COLLEGE FRESHMAN THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO GET FIVE DOLLARS IN EXCHANGE FOR ONE DOLLAR
He saw a machine in school that from far away seemed to indicate that he'd get a dollar in exchange for a five dollar bill. He went in and put the money on the machine and instead of five dollars, he got four quarters. Upon a closer glance, he realized that what the machine did was to give you exchange for either a one or five dollar bill. Although disappointed, the local man is happy that he did not lose any money in the process.

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Last edited by TheMovieDude on Fri Mar 13, 2009 1:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 12, 2009 9:04 pm 
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WOMAN ATTACKED BY DOG ON WAY TO WORK

Lady_Rorschach was attacked by a black and white mutt while walking to work at 10:35 this morning. The dog, whom L_R merely dubbed "Doggie" normally follows her to work and stops at the usual greeting of "Oh, hello, Doggie. Go home now." This morning, however, Doggie jumped in front of the 21 year old woman, snarling and growling. Having nothing at hand to defend herself, L_R merely said "shoo!" when the dog grabbed her by the pant leg. Thankfully, there were no injuries due to the calf-length snowboots L_R was wearing, but there is now a rip in her only well-fitting pair of work slacks.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 12, 2009 9:39 pm 
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LOCAL MAN RUNS OUT OF DR. PEPPER

In breaking news tonight, an area resident has run out of Dr. Pepper as all grocery stores are closed for business. The resident reportedly entered his refrigerator, and to his disgust found no Dr. Pepper or masked vigilantes. "I thought I had enough," the sobbing man told reporters, "but apparently I miscalculated and now I have none." The man said he'd have to "make do" with root beer, diet Pepsi, and chocolate milk until tomorrow afternoon, when he can return to the grocery store and buy more.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 12, 2009 9:48 pm 
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TheMovieDude wrote:
He saw a machine in school that from far away seemed to indicate that he'd get five dollars in exchange for a five dollar bill.


Hey man, I'll make you that deal if you like! :P

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Dr. Brooklyn wrote:
it was tying it into the rape-revenge stories and making light of a verys erious sub-genre that kind of offended me.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 13, 2009 1:29 am 
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AYBGerrardo wrote:
TheMovieDude wrote:
He saw a machine in school that from far away seemed to indicate that he'd get five dollars in exchange for a five dollar bill.


Hey man, I'll make you that deal if you like! :P


That's what she said.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 9:56 pm 
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LOCAL MAN HAMMERS AWAY AT METROID SCRIPT

An area resident reported progress on a fanmade screenplay for a film adaptation of the influential Metroid video game series Thursday night. "It's gone through a lot of rewrites since the summer of 2006," the man said, "and I was never happy with it. But I'm liking what I've got so far." Video game movies are notoriously hated by critics, but the resident wishes that his script could change that, providing an intriguing story that breaks the cliches of video game films. But the challenge is even greater with Metroid, a property not known for having a deep or lengthy story. "I've had to take a lot from the manga," the resident explained, referring to a canonical Japanese comic that provides a great deal of insight into the series' backstory, "but I've also added a lot of my own content." The resident plans to have the rewrite of the script completed before the end of the weekend.

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 9:57 pm 
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LOCAL RESIDENT COMPLETES METROID SCRIPT

An area man who has been working on a script rewrite for a non-existent film adaptation of the Metroid video game series completed the first draft Saturday afternoon, sources say. The draft, a rewrite of a June 2008 script, is described by the author as "more emotional" and "more awesomer [sic]" than the prior drafts of the script, which date back to September 2006. The author confirmed the script is 102 pages but that the "epic mass battles" were to be extended in the next draft as the author does not "micromanage battle scenes" in scripts.

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 11:26 pm 
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Let's make a deal, BlackDoomShadow: I'll direct the script. 8-)
If I like it, of course : P

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 4:03 pm 
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METROID SCRIPT TO BE DIRECTED BY MICHAEL BAY

Action director says he is interested, due to his funds allowing the explosions and battles to be more epic than the author intended. About the rest of the film, the director commented with one word: "What?"


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 4:11 pm 
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WJK wrote:
METROID SCRIPT TO BE DIRECTED BY MICHAEL BAY

Action director says he is interested, due to his funds allowing the explosions and battles to be more epic than the author intended. About the rest of the film, the director commented with one word: "What?"


MOVIEDUDE´S TRUE IDENTITY DISCOVERED: HE IS MICHAEL BAY!
When asked for comment, Mr. Bay responded with an explosion.

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 10:37 pm 
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BLACKDOOMSHADOW PICKS MEGAN FOX TO PLAY SAMUS ARAN IN METROID FILM

As part of a deal with director Michael Bay, screenwriter BlackDoomShadow has chosen actress Megan Fox (Transformers, some other movie you didn't see) to play the lead character Samus Aran. Shia LaBeouf has been picked to play a "funny and quirky" sidekick. Hugo Weaving will voice the villainous Ridley. According to BDS and Bay, the story and dialogue scenes have been trimmed in favor of large explosions and battle scenes between CGI characters; Samus and the titular Metroids themselves will have roughly 46 seconds of screentime. Three sequels and a McDonalds Happy Meal toy deal have already been reached. When asked by a fan site if he felt his script was being "bastardized," BDS responded with a huge grin: "No way! Mr. Bay all the way!" Reports that a sniper's red dot sight could be seen on his forehead while making the comment were unsubstantiated.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 12:19 am 
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TheMovieDude wrote:
WJK wrote:
METROID SCRIPT TO BE DIRECTED BY MICHAEL BAY

Action director says he is interested, due to his funds allowing the explosions and battles to be more epic than the author intended. About the rest of the film, the director commented with one word: "What?"


MOVIEDUDE´S TRUE IDENTITY DISCOVERED: HE IS MICHAEL BAY!
When asked for comment, Mr. Bay responded with an explosion.



:mrgreen:

http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/127473/detail/

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 12:18 pm 
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Metroid - ** stars.

by Roger Ebert

Metroids? More like hemorrhoids!

At nearly 3 hours in length the BlackDoomShadow written Michael Bay directed movie will leave you with a sore butt. Bring a pillow to the theater. (Continued on page 6)

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 3:25 pm 
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^Actually (and this is rather sad given that his Watchmen review was one of the most positive) it would seem Ebert would inevitably give it four stars...
http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbc ... 89991/1001

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Dr. Brooklyn wrote:
it was tying it into the rape-revenge stories and making light of a verys erious sub-genre that kind of offended me.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 3:51 pm 
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AYBGerrardo wrote:
^Actually (and this is rather sad given that his Watchmen review was one of the most positive) it would seem Ebert would inevitably give it four stars...
http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbc ... 89991/1001


Hurm. I wonder if maybe his health problems have made it so that he's just trying to enjoy every movie he sees? Like "life's too short" kind of thing? I doubt it but he hasn't been very picky with his reviews lately.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 2:01 pm 
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DR. BROOKLYN NO MEANS A LOVE DOCTOR
(A.P.) Michigan resident Dr. Brooklyn, cousin to famed government agent Dr. Manhattan, revealed he is most definitly not a doctor of love. The man tried to flirt with the most beautiful girl in his school today, and was sadly so at a loss for words he descended to near neaderthalic grunts and lame puns, the latter far worse than the former.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 9:47 pm 
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YOUNG COLLEGE GIRL KNOCKS FELLOW STUDENT OUT WITH BASEBALL

An innocent game of catch turned tragic when Julie Hill, age 19, knocked a fellow student out after throwing a bad pitch. Girl listed in stable condition. Charges against Hill are pending.

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 7:43 pm 
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GAYS CAN MARRY IN VERMONT BUT WHAT ABOUT AN APE AND A WOMAN?
It seems some apes, capapble of thought, feel the need to steal the girls that are desired by nerds. "It was hideous, watching him practically throwing crap everywhere," Dr. Brooklyn told us after witnessing a pair of Woman/Ape, "She seemed repulsed, but couldn't get away."

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2009 8:20 pm 
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COURTESY CLERK SUFFERS BRUISED RIBCAGE AFTER COLLISION WITH COLUMN

A 21 year old Safeway courtesy clerk, only known as Lady_Rorschach, suffered a bruised ribcage after the trail of carts she was pushing became sentient and caused her to crash into a stone support column near one of the enterance ways.

"Those four-wheeled bastards do not like me and they let me know it. They're like horses, I'm tellin' ya. They smell fear..."

L_R then went to the local teriyaki diner across the street, only to return to work to pick up fruit snacks and ice cream.

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2009 10:00 pm 
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LOCAL COLLEGE STUDENT CO-DISCOVERS NEW PLANT GENE

A term project in Molecular Bio yielded surprising results today, when a college student completed the extraction and sequencing of a DNA strand, only to find that the sequence could not be found in the NCBI database.

"My professor deliberately assigned plants she didn't think had been done before," said the student, "so this sort of thing was always a possibility. Still, it's something neat to put on the resume!"

The DNA in question is expected to be a gene that codes for GAPDH, an enzyme partially responsible for breaking down sugar. GAPDH can be found in every living being on Earth, and its gene has been found and cataloged in many species. However, this particular GAPDH gene was extracted from a clover plant and clover GAPDH genes have not been found in any database so far.

How this discovery will affect the scientific community is yet to be seen.

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