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I discovered yesterday that I share the same birthday as this heroic bastion of truth and justice. If Obama is the Joker, then he is THE DARK KNIGHT.





But seriously, I can respect an epic troll when I see one. I can see him laughing his ass off straight to the bank. He's one of the Three Kings of Epic Trolling, along with 4chan and Jack Thompson. And that, my friends, makes him win.

So, let's discuss this true American hero.

EDIT: I completely forgot my "Glenn Beck is a time traveller" theory!

*According to this interview, in the early 90s, Glenn Beck was arrested for speeding. In a DeLorean. Not a BMW. Not a Toyota. But a DeLorean. Speeding. Was he perhaps trying to go 88 miles per hour?

*On an episode of his show last week, Glenn said that Vancouver spent $1 billion when they hosted the Olympics. The only problem is Vancouver is hosting the Olympics in 2010. Which hasn't happened yet.

*On one of his first shows in 1998, he made fun of Osama bin Laden. Who knew who bin Laden was back then? Glenn Beck did. Because he was from the future and knew about 9/11.

I think this evidence overwhelmingly supports the idea that Glenn Beck is a time traveller.

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I don't mind being the smartest man in the world. I just wish it wasn't this one.

Here's what I know about Glenn Beck:

Opportunistic asshole.

May or may not have raped a young girl in 1990.

Cries a lot in a really effeminate way.

Cannot spell "oligarch."

However, all of my thoughts about Glenn Beck (or what few I'll allow him), can probably best be summed up with this Blingee:

You know what I'd like to do with Glenn Beck? Throw him out of a window in slow mo. Hell I'd like to do that with Rush too.

He's one of the biggest piles of shit in the country.

And possibly a time traveller.

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Mexicano Al Grito De Guerra

O'Reilly too?

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Ah yes, how could I forget Papa Bear.

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Mexicano Al Grito De Guerra

"How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?" said Dorothy to the Scarecrow.

"I don't know," replied the Scarecrow. "But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they?"

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Glenn Beck, Bill O'Reilly and their ilk are just brainless people who talk too much. As such, I don't consider them worthy of admiration or scorn, merely apathy.

It's their enablers, however, that I hate. I hate their sponsors and I hate the stations that broadcast them. But most of all, I H-A-T-E the legions of people who stoke their egos, listen to no other voices in the news and treat their word as gospel, just because these poor deluded audience members want their paranoia justified and want someone else to think so they don't have to.

Seriously, fuck them all with a rusty pole through the space where their brain ought to be.

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This is truly a madhouse. And I'm the lunatic running it. I've spent three years wondering if I should be proud or ashamed.

I agree 100%. Well said.

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Mexicano Al Grito De Guerra

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I don't mind being the smartest man in the world. I just wish it wasn't this one.