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 Post subject: The Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 2:04 pm 
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Leave your reaction to the previous joke then post another! simple!
let's start with
Quote:
A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present.

He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"

The Manager replied, "Which one? We have,

'Barbie goes to the gym'for $19.95 ...

'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95 ...

'Barbie goes shopping for $19.95 ...

'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95...

'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95 ...

and 'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00."

"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are $19.95?" Dad asked surprised.

"Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."

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Dr. Brooklyn wrote:
it was tying it into the rape-revenge stories and making light of a verys erious sub-genre that kind of offended me.


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 Post subject: Re: The Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 2:14 pm 
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That's okay.

My personal favorite is:

"What has eight eyes but can't see?

"A fish in the Willamette River!"

:?

Okay, so it's an Oregonian inside joke. Still, it's my favorite.

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 Post subject: Re: The Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 2:16 pm 
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Curiosity Inc. wrote:
That's okay.

My personal favorite is:

"What has eight eyes but can't see?

"A fish in the Willamette River!"

:?

Okay, so it's an Oregonian inside joke. Still, it's my favorite.


I lived in Oregon for half of my life.

I completely got that joke.


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 Post subject: Re: The Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 2:23 pm 
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well i get the basic idea of the joke at least!
Quote:
A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears. The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much." The woman says, "Okay. Give me a nice house." The genie replies, "You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two." Then the lady says, "Give me a gorgeous man." The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two." The lady says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."

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Dr. Brooklyn wrote:
it was tying it into the rape-revenge stories and making light of a verys erious sub-genre that kind of offended me.


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 Post subject: Re: The Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 2:27 pm 
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AYBGerrardo wrote:
well i get the basic idea of the joke at least!
Quote:
A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears. The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much." The woman says, "Okay. Give me a nice house." The genie replies, "You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two." Then the lady says, "Give me a gorgeous man." The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two." The lady says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."



Haha.


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 Post subject: Re: The Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 2:29 pm 
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Ah, that's a classic.

Did you hear the one about the guy who was arrested at an airport because he said he was going to shoot a pilot?

He was a TV director!

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 Post subject: Re: The Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 2:39 pm 
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lol if that happened in real life that would be amazing!
look away if you like jokes to be PC:
Quote:
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Santa?
Nothing, they both leave children's bedrooms with empty sacks!

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Dr. Brooklyn wrote:
it was tying it into the rape-revenge stories and making light of a verys erious sub-genre that kind of offended me.


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 Post subject: Re: The Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 2:46 pm 
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GIRL: "Mom, is it true that babies come out from where boys stick their penis' in?"
Mom: "Yes honey, thats where babies come out from."
GIRL: " If that's true, wouldn't the baby knock out your teeth?"

hahahahaha everybody laugh

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 Post subject: Re: The Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 2:48 pm 
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ewwwww
lol how long is it going to be until someone posts the pagliacci joke?!
this one's pretty clever
Quote:
One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step. Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step. So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step. So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!" Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

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Dr. Brooklyn wrote:
it was tying it into the rape-revenge stories and making light of a verys erious sub-genre that kind of offended me.


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 Post subject: Re: The Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 2:56 pm 
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I DID IT!
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these are out of control!

A bass player was in a bar gettin drunk...
apple tini
whisky
beer

every drink you can imagine... as he's sitting there he sees across the street a nun walkin down the road...

he gets up, goes outside, sneaks up behind her, and just starts beatin the crap outta her...

face in the sidewalk
throat kicks
you name it!

then he looks down at her and says "NOT SO TOUGH NOW ARE YOU BATMAN?"


Last edited by CSFRITZ on Wed Dec 05, 2007 2:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: The Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 2:57 pm 
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i assume "noun" is a typo!! rofl
Quote:
An Insult: I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my ass!

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Dr. Brooklyn wrote:
it was tying it into the rape-revenge stories and making light of a verys erious sub-genre that kind of offended me.


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 Post subject: Re: The Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 3:00 pm 
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yeah dude! lol
i fixed it...


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 Post subject: Re: The Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 3:03 pm 
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CSFRITZ wrote:
these are out of control!

A bass player was in a bar gettin drunk...
apple tini
whisky
beer

every drink you can imagine... as he's sitting there he sees across the street a nun walkin down the road...

he gets up, goes outside, sneaks up behind her, and just starts beatin the crap outta her...

face in the sidewalk
throat kicks
you name it!

then he looks down at her and says "NOT SO TOUGH NOW ARE YOU BATMAN?"



I've even heard that joke in spanish

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 Post subject: Re: The Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 3:03 pm 
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That was a terrible joke, CSFRITZ.

I once knew a guy who stayed in a Louisiana hotel. He went to complain to the manager, said "I got a leak in my sink."

The manager said "Well, go ahead."

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 Post subject: Re: The Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 3:05 pm 
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hehe i made a strange djugh! sound reading that one curiosity!
Quote:
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the driver's side. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." "Ahhh!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex!"


edit: here's a bonus image!
Image

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Dr. Brooklyn wrote:
it was tying it into the rape-revenge stories and making light of a verys erious sub-genre that kind of offended me.


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 Post subject: Re: The Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 3:35 pm 
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Curiosity Inc. wrote:
That was a terrible joke, CSFRITZ.

I once knew a guy who stayed in a Louisiana hotel. He went to complain to the manager, said "I got a leak in my sink."

The manager said "Well, go ahead."


forgive me...
i guess i'm not very good at tickling the funny bone of others.
Allow me to excuse myself from all future forums...

God bless all


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 Post subject: Re: The Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 3:37 pm 
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eh? i liked the joke csfritz!

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Dr. Brooklyn wrote:
it was tying it into the rape-revenge stories and making light of a verys erious sub-genre that kind of offended me.


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 Post subject: Re: The Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 3:37 pm 
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CSFRITZ wrote:
forgive me...
i guess i'm not very good at tickling the funny bone of others.
Allow me to excuse myself from all future forums...

God bless all

Oh, come on!

It was nothing personal, I just didn't think that was a very good joke, that's all. Of course, that's just me.

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 Post subject: Re: The Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 3:40 pm 
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Wanna hear a really bad joke?
Quote:
A man goes to a grocery store. While he is there, he buys:
bread
cheese
and milk.

So as he is checking out, getting ready to pay, the cashier says: "Hey, you're single, aren't you?"

The man is astonished. "Wow, that's incredible. How did you know that?"

"You're ugly."

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Dr. Brooklyn wrote:
it was tying it into the rape-revenge stories and making light of a verys erious sub-genre that kind of offended me.


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 Post subject: Re: The Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 3:44 pm 
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AYBGerrardo wrote:
Wanna hear a really bad joke?
Quote:
A man goes to a grocery store. While he is there, he buys:
bread
cheese
and milk.

So as he is checking out, getting ready to pay, the cashier says: "Hey, you're single, aren't you?"

The man is astonished. "Wow, that's incredible. How did you know that?"

"You're ugly."


now thats funny!!!!!!!!!lolol

Alright i'm back...

really i'm not that sensitive, just really insecure about my archive of jokes.


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