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Transformers: Dark of the Moon

When this movie is good, it's phenomenal. When this movie is bad, it's intolerable. Fortunately, the bad stuff is crammed into the beginning and the end is wall-to-wall Bayhem of the highest degree.

Also, I saw this film in 2D. Don't make the same mistake. It has to be in 3D on the big screen or not at all.

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This is truly a madhouse. And I'm the lunatic running it. I've spent three years wondering if I should be proud or ashamed.

Agreed. I thought ROTF was a mess. DOTM was much, much better. This is the best 3D I've seen since Avatar... and the action onscreen is insane. Say what you will about Bay... but he knows how to shoot an action sequence. The entire hour-long climax was ridiculous. Bay knew he had to go big or go home on this one... and he delivered.

For me at least, nothing was intolerable per se. There were a few flat out awful bits... but even those were so classic Bay that I couldn't seriously get angry at them.

See it in a packed theater in 3D and have a good time.

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" Funny STORY. Sounds UNBELIEVABLE. Probably TRUE."

I actually found the scenes with Sam's parents funny, and Malkovich as well.
Even that sector 7 guy was a lil more bearable, and occasionally funny.
I even found Sam to be WAY more watchable this time around.
I really dig the dynamic between Sam and his military friends, and them with the Autobots. Classic stuff.

If bay gets the itch to make a 4th TF movie, i think theres a few things that could save it from being stale.
Really make an effort to flesh out the story, til its spotless.
Involve something new like... time travel? maybe?
Drop the dumbshit humor and all transformers under 10 feet tall.
Give Sam (if he returns) more screentime with the Autobots, in a non-action setting.
And focus more on scope than just sheer destruction, cause it'd be pretty hard to top DOTM.

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I'll be right back. I gotta go see a man about a mule.

^ If there's any sane, talented director that would take the endeavor to make a 4th transformers movie, the first logical thing that should happen in that movie is:

Sam Witwicky dying...............horribly and painfully.

For fairness' sake, I haven't seen the latest one, but the producers' most horrible mistake was cheapening the fuck out on talented people capable enough of making CGI good enough to carry the drama without the need for human characters, I don't think there was ever a live action film that so poignantly (sp) did not need real human actors for it, I find unfathomable that the only people capable enough of pulling that kind of magic is Pixar, I just can't believe there's so few people talented enough to do it.

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Good thing this is Bay's last film, right?

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The first thing those movies did was kill Spike Witwicky. Horribly and painfully.

R.I.P.

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Say, Doc, did I ever tell you I'm the only metal that's liquid at room temperature?

Well, feli, looks like LeBeouf granted your wish.

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This is truly a madhouse. And I'm the lunatic running it. I've spent three years wondering if I should be proud or ashamed.

I knew he was leaving the franchise after the third one, but it's not really Shia, shit, I loved "Holes".

It's the lack of talent in making a movie about the damn transformers !

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Oh wow, that's amazing how he just took stuff from The Island lol.

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Transformers 3: Everyone should appreciate Sam Witwicky more, or bad things will happen.
5/10

This is not a good movie. Sure, it's not as offensive as RoTF, but that's like saying a bullet to the brain is much more preferable way to die than disembowelment.

While the autobots are on missions from the government (because they're pro-American, FUCK YEAH), The film decides to spend it's time following Sam Witwicky as he attempts to find his worth in the real world. AND HE COMPLAINS THE ENTIRE TIME WHILE DOING IT!!! He complains that the autobots don't appreciate him enough; he complains that his employers don't appreciate him enough; he complains that his girlfriend doesn't appreciate him enough; and more importantly, he complains that the world doesn't appreciate him enough. Why? BECAUSE HE SAVED THE WORLD TWICE, GODDAMMIT!!!! Any likability that Witwicky may have had from the first film, have all since evaporated.


The humor is terrible. Again, not as offensive as RoTF, but it's still bad. It all just feels like something from a really bad cartoon. Characters are made silly simply for the sake of it (often giving them strange accents because FOREIGNERS ARE HILARIOUS!!!!), and often disappear without rhyme or reason. The racist bots have been replaced by Joe Pesci bot, and another annoying robot. Again, not offensive, but just as unfunny and useless. That actually seems to be a quality that many of Bay's characters share: They're utterly useless and unfunny, and seem to exist only to take up time.

But what about the climatic battle? The thing that even the film's naysayers say is impressive? Sure, it is certainly striking and at times even incredible, but it's also something I expected from Bay. Nothing surprised me, and after awhile all I was left with was utter boredom. Buildings blow-up, people and robots die, but it all means nothing because I have absolutely no stake in whatever is going on. The movie so desperately wants to evoke a feeling of devestation when the decepticons begin to take over, but everything feels so empty that it's hard to feel anything but apathy.

But perhaps the worst thing about this movie is: it's too fucking long!! I do not understand how Michael Bay can get away with making a 154 minute film about Transformers. FUCKING TRANSFORMERS!!!! Honestly, if this was cut down to a 90 minute time-waster, I could see myself forgiving many of the film's faults. But as it stands, it ensures that I will have no desire to see this again.

DoTM is certainly a better movie than its predecessor, but only because RoTF was such a steaming pile of shit that anything that came after it looks better by comparison.

all of those complaints didn't bother me so much as to give it a FIVE.
All I wanted from TF3 is a slew of "HOLY SHIT" moments... and you know what? I got em.
Besides, all those complaints could be applied to almost EVERY Bay movie.
It sounds to me like you were expecting something else.

the whole "its based on an 80's cartoon! what did you expect?" argument is dumb, so I won't use it.
but it IS, nonetheless, a movie about massive alien robots who transform into luxury cars, and fight other massive transforming alien robots in their spare time... and without Sam, who I actually like, it would be robot cgi porn wrapped in a toy commercial then deepfried in supermodels, boobies, and boner jokes.

now I gave DOTM an 8/10 because I had a great fucking time.
on its own merit as a movie, it gets a 7/10

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Right, because the "It's a Michael Bay movie! what did you expect?" argument is much more valid.

Look. I understand that Michael Bay, like all directors, have his own quirks that will appear in all his movies. He wants to blow shit up? Fine. He wants to have shots with main characters standing next to an American flag? Good for him. But if you're going to make a movie, especially one that is over two hours long, make it interesting. You can throw all the money and special effects you want; it won't make a lick of shit if I don't care. Now before you get all "you're no fun" on me, I said "interesting," not "profound." Keep in mind that I firmly believe that "Fast Five" is among the best things to have come out this summer, so I'm fully able to have fun with a movie. But there's nothing fun or entertaining about DoTM.


You mean it wasn't?

But friend, why does a movie about massive alien robots who transform into luxury cars necessarily have to be dumb ? Or just "not as good as other stuff"? Why should we accept that the people in charge make movies like these on such unbelieavably low standards ?

To quote an example, people don't often notice how much of a ridiculous character Batman was at the 80's right after Adam West's TV show, I bet you that at that time a lot of people complained about how was it possible to make literature from such a stupid character.

That didn't stop Frank Miller making a fucking comic revolution with "The Dark Knight Returns" and "Batman: Year One".

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I'm conflicted with the TF movies! I enjoyed the hell outta DOTM, and I defend it...
but theres this part of me that is angry because we should be able to expect good movies to go along with special effects by now.

Its not impossible! The Matrix! Terminator 2! (although sequels are debatable)

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That's why every movie that has had a good story and good effects should just be remade and rereleased.

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@RealSlimCAvery

It's the part of you that realizes that you're watching a shitty movie.

Fix'd

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You know what the focus was on in the original Transformers? The Transformers. You know what the focus was on in Beasties? The Transformers. Spike might have tagged along, but no one cared about him, they cared about Optimus and the gang. And I would have gladly watched a live action Transformers that featured no human protagonist. The only reason to watch Transformers is to see robots blow shit up. If it's robot cgi porn, shit, so be it.

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"Heard them Walthers like to jump some" "As will you, with one in your elbow."

i hope thats sarcasm. the day that they remake the Matrix... I will... grrr

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My Blog of Movie Reviews and Such

I'll be right back. I gotta go see a man about a mule.

What's Beasties?

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"The world is a fine place and worth fighting for." I agree with the second part.

"There's a cello in your house now."